"Broken"

"Broken... That's what I've become of since I lost Pau..."
-Roman, a friend of mine

Yesterday, Roman invited me to hang out at his place for a while and sing along whilst he strums his guitar. I accepted since I had nothing else better to do (but be lazy and skip assignments and projects) anyway. But hey, I still find it hard to believe I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend's best friend! Haha.

It was quite a long trip to Roman's new place in Quezon City and the worse part is we had to ride an FX Jeep (Those Tamaraw FX's that are somewhat like air-conditioned PUVs). Crap. I have an enormous weakness against motion sickness! I spent half the trip leaning on Roman's shoulder feeling drugged. No malicious intimacy involved. There's nothing wrong with a girl leaning on her good guy friend's shoulder. 'Tis but humanely social to do such thing.

We arrived at Roman's place and listened to Nightwish (I brought it) and My Chemical Romance. Roman and I both cursed those amateurs who defined MCR as punk-emo. Hee, Roman even showed the finger to Myx (somewhat a local MTV) for categorizing Greenday under Popmyx and Simple Plan under Rockmyx. The hell?! Greenday?! Pop?! What absurdity! And I have no good reason to place Simple Plan within the circle of rock music! they're more coated with Pop. And I. Hate. Pop!

My Chemical Romance is easily defined as Heavy Emo. Unlike Dashboard Confessional which is composed mainly of light accoustics, MCR is emphasized on the weight of guitars and deeply angsty lyrics. It takes more than a single listening to decipher one song such as Helena and Give 'Em Hell, Kid. The very reason why I've grown to like Emo. The lyrics are personal and deep. Screw Pop music for writing only fabricated and senseless lyrics. Most especially RNB. "See-that-girl-wth-the-sexy-body-go-and-fuck-her-off" kind of stanzas.

Eventually we had a Pancit Canton fest. Curse Roman. Secretly I ver wanted extra hot chili but he insisted. 'Sides, I don't mind a little fire on my tongue! We cooked six packs and ate them all in one gulp. The challenge was the first one to give in by drinking water loses the game and gives the price to the one left standing. I tried to hide the infernal pain in my mouth by playing it cool and Roman's temptations were as futile as always! "There's one gallon of water here, Jiea. Drink all you want."

I lost... Again I played it cool by taking a glass of water and naturally drinking it. Roman smirked and said "Where's my prize?" Of course I never wanted to give in and cooly said "I'm just thirsty. Not that I couldn't take the chili." But then again I lost... Crap!

Later on Roman inserted a Disc into the DVD player. They were files he stole from Pau's laptop a long time ago. Roman told me that Pau doesn't know he has a collection of memorable pictures. We looked at them one by one. Pau wasn't that beautiful but she is pretty. Pretty and not beautiful. There's a difference. Roman looked somewhat distracted as we looked at the pictures. I'm sure he misses Pau badly had only they not separated. Roman told me that when he lost Pau, the only thing left for him to do was to die.

I asked Roman to show me more pictures. I don't know how Roman felt but I'm sure it was more than hellish. Pau was the only girl that Roman loved truly and wholly. He never did cheat or play around with her. Until now he loves her and would do anything just to have her back. I'm praying for that too...

Roman then took out his electric guitar and inserted the plugs. He then strummed a familiar song. "This is Avril Lavigne's Why." He told me as he strummed. I sang along with him.

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you, more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together
Tell me, you think we can last forever
Tell me why

He played and I sang other songs too such as My Happy Ending (Avril Lavigne), Broken Sonnet (Hale) and 214 by Rivermaya. The sun was finally asleep and no light was in the room but the dying lusters left by then sun. It was dark. Just as dark as Roman's feelings that time. I could somehow feel it.

The world could die
And everything may lie
Still you shouldn't cry
'Cause time may pass
But longer than it'll last
I'll be by your side

"You know?" Roman said after he played the song. "I feel somewhat...heavy everytime I play this. This was our theme song. Pau and I." I could feel Roman's pain. "If you've noticed, all my account names, character names are always 'Broken'. For this is what I've become since I lost Pau. I'm not complete. But why should I even continue hoping? Pau will not come back. She never will..."

That night I said goodbye to Roman and made my way back home to UN Avenue. Remembering all those events, I decided to write them all down here. Broken...