Thoughts

You show me how to see
That nothing is whole and nothing is broken

It's almost been month since I arrived here in Puerto and I still have written nothing.

It's good news I'll still be studying in Lyceum for the second year. I have to prioritize my shifting to Journalism and enrollment though finding a convenient block section is one fat chance. I learned my lesson of not being a time and section hopper during my second sem coz previously, my sched was what any organized dude would call "fucked up".

Leaving Puerto might be one hard thing to undergo. Well goodbyes are never easy to undergo especially to your family and your provincial hometown. At least my reunion with my beloved boyfriend is more than enough to compensate! I love my Zhou Xun soooo much!

I was surprised when my sister Christine and her boyfriend Jaychris were still playing pRO even when the game's FUBAR [Fucked Up Beyond All Reconsideration] now that it's bot-infested. It's like it had online AIDS where the sickness only gets worse as it lasts and it can never perish. It was a smart choice that I quit the game a year ago yet I could still vividly remember my darkened days of addiction...

That dream still haunts me somehow...

In you and I there's a new land
Angels in flight
My sanctuary, my sanctuary
Where fears and lies melt away
Music will tie
What's left of me
What's left of me now
-Utada Hikaru, Sanctuary

This is My Dream

Last night, I had a dream. A dream so vivid that I felt it happened for real...

I was killed along with other friends who play Ragnarok Online regularly at a shop by two hackers in attempt to hack those peoples' accounts. To my sudden shock, one of them turned out to be Alva, that friend of mine who plays the drums and even taught me to play them. Yet since it was but a dream, a hazy living, I never registered the fact that he was a good friend of mine and thought of him as a maniacal killer.

Alva attacked me with a knife in his right hand and lunged it right at my heart. I coudn't evade the knife. I couldn't evade death... I lay there helpless and unconscious. Then I awake, with only solitude and the eery whisper of death to accompany me afterwards. There were cadavers scattered all over the shop, some of the PC's left turned on by their murdered users. I saw no other waking spirit from the bodies.

I was alone...

Yet I couldn't stay here to mourn. I had to find my killers and avenge my friends. Damn them for committing this crime in exchange for benefit in a measley online game!

I hear the door creek. Someone was entering the shop. It was those two murders. My traitor friend Alva. It was only in that moment that I felt both hate and revenge resonate powerfully within me. How I wanted to grab the same knife that took my life and give them their own demise. I reached for the knife but my hand just slipped past the handle. How can this be? I observed that traitorous bastard from behind. He was typing something. It seems he could not sense my presence. Quickly, I walked past his corporeal body with my spiritual one and went for the keyboard and typed these messages that will eternally haunt him.

How dare you take my life and those of my friends?! One day you'll rot in hell.

Strange... I could speak of revenge but not commit it. Why is it so...?

I cannot write all my confessions
But alone with myself, I can't remind my past
This is my dream...
-Lacuna Coil, This Is My Dream

From Anything to Nothing

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

God, I really am blessed that you have granted my guardian to me. I'm really very happy with him compared to the nine tedious and heart-wrenching months I've had with Sonny. Carlo and I had more dates and outings in a span of two months compared to the nine months I've had with the bastard.

A week ago I've finally had a ticket to fly back home here in Puerto Princesa. Manila living sure is more demanding than a greedy tyrant over a medieval country. At least here there is virtually no traffic and the air's fresh wherever you go.

Damn... I have a lot to say but they all spiral to nothing.