Broken Heart

There is life even after a broken heart
You can fight the pain from a broken heart
-White Lion, Broken Heart

I'm running...

Running from depression, running from melancholy, running from negativity, running from confusiion, and most of all running from the one thing that should only be feared: Fear

Right now I can't fully explain how I feel. The pieces of my broken heart are only held together by a thin and weak piece of string. It feels it may collapse any minute. I once wrote this line: The heart is the core of the entire soul. Damage the heart, damage the whole. My heart has been shattered and so is my entire self. I've put the broken pieces back together but haven't create them back to a whole entity yet. I better be careful onto the activities I'm about to engage to. They might shake and sway my heart and shatter it again to even smaller intractable pieces.

I look by the veranda of the condominium. Rain blankets the entire city. Even my settlement is engulfed by darkness. When can I see the sun again?

Black Sunlight

Hello Lunette. Sorry if I've been a dormant poster for a while. Tito Davy abolished internet connections at home by tying the phone line into a shorter knot thus disabling it to reach the port of the PC. I can't go to Ninang's workshop in Buendia since going to and from there is a chore. I'm here in Monica's condo in Robinson's Ermita hanging out! We are bound for Pangasinan tomorrow but it's only going to one-day roundtrip!

Maybe it was only hard for me to divulge but Sonny and I are having it rough now. We had an intractable argument and we haven't been in speaking terms for almost two weeks now. I've accepted and lived up with Sonny's flaws since we came to be and they've always been a constant headache to my love life. Sonny has this stubborn attitude in arguments. He has many loopholes in his sleeve and whenever you've done wrong against him, he'll want you to figure your fault out by yourself. He won't tell you directly what you've done. That's VERY hard to live up with. Still I'm hopeful that everything will revert back to how they were before. We were happy...

I'm just glad that Monix's place is just a twenty-minute walk from home. I can hang out here anytime and chow come's in for free! Last night we pigged out in Greenwich and Tokyo Tokyo courtesy of Monix! Those helped me forget.

The moment dusk approaches, no minions of fear shall set foot upon my sacred sanctum! For if ever their silver staves intrude themselves in my bodily core, I shall shed no crimson cascades but black cataracts!

Math... Albegra... Evil! Forever Darkness!

Damn it, I am so bummed! Taking up that retest of the Final Algebra exam was far too a suicidal gamble! My Professor said it would cover all the topics from beginning 'til end but only a chosen few appeared on the paper. Of course it would be logically a waste of time if I channel so much effort and energy on such measly subjects. I reviewed only a small but very relevant amount from the book with Grace's help. Yet if only Neo or Elmido were around, it could have been more effective.

Yesterday I took the exam and was greatly relieved that a large portion of the test was composed of Multiple Choices and True Or False. There were two problems to be solved ans thankfully, I solved the practically easier one. No matter how much I screwed my mind just to formulate for an answer, I can never concoct a mathematical miracle. So I prayed and extracted all the fortunes stored in my visionary mind and viewed an imminent vision that I was finally shifting to BS Foreign Service Major in Diplomacy. Later it will be converted to BS International Relations. A change in the pseudonym will do nothing to innovate the standards of the college though.

Before I took the exam though, Jeff noticed I was acting strangely and not myself. He asked if I was alright and I replied that I obviously wasn't. I kept on tripping and hitting rocks on a regular basis whilst we walked across Intramuros. I couldn't eliminate that chronic nervousness and anxiety. I had visual nightmares that I was gonna repeat College Algebra at the second sem. I stopped walking and was deluged in a world of black. Forever I am to be enslaved by Algebra. It has already been happening although I prayed it will vanish... This evil... It never ceases to exist! Must it be so lecherous to pursue me even in this epoch of my collegiate existence!? Must it constantly loom over my head to shroud my sanity!? Must I allow this wicked educational apparition to eternally torture me from within!? Must I allow all this nefariousness...!?

No! Never it will! I shall NOT allow it!

"Jiea! You alright!?" a familiar voice suddenly asked.

Light... It has exorcised the damnation to forever be blanketed with darkness... That darkness in the vise of Math and Algebra. Resurrected I have been that very moment...

"Oh, sorry about that Jeff. I was just..."

"You'll be fine, ok!? Don't you think that you'll fail or repeat Algebra 'coz I'm sure you'll make it fine! And if ever you think about those negativities again that I'll hold you by your neck and strangle you!"

"Yeah, I will be, Jeff! Count on it!"

Light... Forever Darkness...

A-107 Pals

Before I commence on the objective of this post, let me write down a joke I found while blog-hopping! It is interesting and can be used as a trendy text message.

The Alternate Definitions of College Degrees:

B.S. - He knows how to BullShit
M.S. - He is a Master of Shitting
Ph.D. - He can Pile it Higher and Drier

And now onto the objective...

As the title disposes, I have nothing else better to do right at this very moment. I mean I do have some interesting events here that have taken place but too much a composition on happenings can get can be dully excessive.

I'm currently a Broadcasting student in the Lyceum of the Philippines and it's half-sad and half-great to admit that my classmates from section A-101 (most, not all) are pathetic conformists who do or know nothing but impress themselves with the size of their butts. Fatefully, I had a classmate in PE who calls himself Tony and he informs me that he's an irregular student from A-107. He was unlike my conformist classmates and he was the kind of guy whom I can talk to about almost anything without harboring the notion that I'm some weird oddball. Eventually, I found out that he was also a classmate in NSTP. Through him, he introduced me Jeff and Neo while hiding under chairs to avoid the professor's searching eyes but we began only as acquiantances.

As fateful or as twin to destiny as it may seem, I met up with Jeff and Neo along with a friend of theirs, Brion, in a small restaurant. They re-introduced themselves as Tony's friends and they invited me to sit with them. We had a good conversation which originated in VideoGames. The conversation evolved into Medieval and Gothic matters and to Anime artwork.

Since then, I was introduced to more of their classmates, including Jette and Grace and we now formed an unstoppable group of friends who are just someone else! Here's a quick profile of each of them!

Jeffrey "Jeiffraine" Calvario: The Gentle Giant. The amazing thing about this guy is he can socialize with almost every kind of people from the ranks of the highest society to the lowest of the slums. An easy-to-get-along-with kind of guy just from his appearance and almost any conversation commenced with him is worth your time especially those about legends, fictional stories and historical anecdotes (although some stories are too long to pique on your mind). Despite his disposition as a social butterfly, Jeff is a unique individual - a red you can't place among a herd of blue - who has his own sets of beliefs. Besides those latter qualitites, Jeff also has a very protective attitude over his friends and would always be willing to lend them a hand.

Carlo Angelo "Neo" Gonzales: He can be easily defined as an oddball because of his way of talking and thinking. As to speak in a positive sense, Neo is when you're around him, he's the likely one whom you can hear out of this world things from. Without warning, he'll just ask questions such as "What is the meaning of life?" or "Define love." His statements can also easily drive your mind to think hard since peculiar they may be, they contain a large amount of sense. Another amazing thing about Neo is his rhetorical way of speaking and his witty responses to almost every question. Consider yourself fortunate when you meet Neo. He's one in a million.

Jose Ricardo "Tony" Manulid: Although usually isolated, Tony also prefers to be with his friends once in a while. He can be defined as an introverted version of Neo. He has his own credences too but does not perennially intend to voice them out except when asked to. Tony is the kind of guy you can talk anything about including sex and homosexuality but never talk to him with the topic of God or religion in mind. He abhors thhis belief that all things can be explained and controlled by Science alone. Tony might seem inimical once you first lay eyes on him but approach him and you’ll find yourself screwing your eyes for being wrongful!

Socoro Jurjette “Jette” Clemen: Ambiguously the mother of the group. Jette is so far the most mature of us since she talks and acts her age – an adult. Born of high standards and society, Jette thankfully has an attitude that is easily adaptable to almost any situation. Like Jeff, she can change her flavors and blend into any crowd and still result to good relationships! The only moment you’ll want to distance yourself from her is when she’s pissed. She may actually step past the lines and verbally wrestle with those who tick her off. Still Jette is a friend worth having! You go, Girl!

Mark Raymond Brion: At first, Brion may seem hard to socialize with since he perennially disposes his dark side - alone and contemplating. But like the rest of my comprendos, don’t misjudge Brion. You may talk and he may appear looking off into a mental distance but he actually is listening deeply, taking your words and fusing them with his own ideas and beliefs. Brion may be generally quiet and collected but once you find him at his own times, he can blow you away with his jokes and funny antics! Brion is basically a Double Dutch Ice cream. He has both his dark and bright sides and when mixed together, they create a fascinating individual!

Mary Grace Pereyra: Lastly, there’s the round and loveable one! Meet Grace! The (bratty) child of the group! Personally, I haven’t seem Grace in a bad mood yet. She’s always found happy and smiling – the perfect pair to brighten up a friend’s day. Her trademark physical qualities: short, chubby and wears her hair in a bun. Grace is the perfect companion to a party since she’s the type who’s innuendo spells fun and wackiness. This girl can be compared to a bunny; small, stuffy and always hyper!

Thanks Mom...

It’s been almost a week since Mom flew from Puerto Princesa and gave me a short visit. Although it lasted only three days, it’s three days worth a generous portion in my memory. It's sort of hard to think that all this time I hated Mom for being such an authoritarian and worry-wart. She worries over the trivial things thinking that I've already gotten into an unsurvivable accident! I know Mom only worries since there's always a possibility I might get in trouble...or even killed. Of course I've thought about that too but it doesn't automatically mean that I’ll go outside with the constant thought of being ambushed. That’s just far too paranoid.

But still I know Mom means well. She may rule with an iron fist but at least she’s not as control-freaky as Tita Cherry. I wanna condemn myself for hating her so much all this time. Why did I fail or even refuse to understand her side? I may have forgiven Pops but it’s considerable easier on my part since I’m not the one being harassed and betrayed; Mom is. Why didn’t I think of putting myself in Mom’s shoes and actually be saturated in all the years of hell she has gone through? I’m sorry Mom. I shouldn’t have been so tactless and misled. I’m sorry I took your way of caring for granted. I’m sorry I misunderstood. I’m sorry Mom…

I’m glad I listened to Pops. He told me not to blame Mom for everything and that all this tragedy was dominantly his fault. “Don’t hate or blame your Mom. It’s not her fault. I’m the one to blame for everything. It’s my fault that we’re like this right now but still I’m doing what I can to place things back together again. Somehow, I still believe in miracles.”

I believe in miracles too and I hope one is bound to happen soon…

Eventually, since my first day on my own here in Manila, I hated Mom. Yet as the days walked on by almost unknowingly, Mom would text me asking me if I’m alright. That alone surprised me. It’s when it has transpired in me that Mom still cares despite of what I think and feel about her. It’s hard to believe that even simple one-liner text messages can drive me to write an essay about how I really feel for Mom. I would usually answer with “Of course I’m alright, Mom!”. Yeah, I felt alright just with the consoling feeling that Mom still cares.

“Do you hate me?” Mom would ask me that since after she moved out of the house back in Puerto. Of course I couldn’t just say it directly in front of her face but the fact is I hated her for not being able to forgive Pops and for just letting our family shatter but still, it wasn’t Mom’s fault.

Almost two weeks ago, Mom flew from Puerto to give me a visit here in Manila. Even if still only small fragment of hate remains, it felt so good to know that she’s here with me. I’m glad she brought the bratty Eliza with her too. It has only illuminated on me the true care of Mom and how it’s completely different with her around. At least I get the feeling that I’m being well taken care of. I mean I’m not maltreated here in Tito Davy’s place. It’s just that Mom knows how to do it right. I just hope Mom would have the time to visit me here again. It’s completely different with her around. Much more consoling…

Thanks Mom…

Differently Shaded

Your Beauty lies in Individuality. Different, amazing, and all your own. You like be set apart from all others and most love that you do. You are solitary at times, but for the most part, there is no greater compliment to you than someone telling you that you are different. You're most likely a bit of a fighter and you hate it when anyone attempts to change who you are. You wear what you want, look how youwant and don't let anyone tell you what do to. You can be a little immature at times and have trouble dealing with authority and asking others for help. You like to do things yourself and are independent almost to a fault. But, people still find your individuality amazing and the fact that no matter what happens or what anyone else anyone thinks about it, you will not change who you are.

Some Things That Represent You

Element: Dark, Fire
Animal: White Tiger
Colors: Bold Colors, Odd Colors
Song: Just The Way I Am By Angel
Expression: Smirk

Gemstone: Bloodstone
Mythological Creature: Phoenix, Dragon
Planet: Pluto
Hair Color: Unnatural Colors
Eye Color: Amber

Quote:"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh
because you're all the same."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..

Wow! This result has GOT to be the most accurate of them all! I mean the those results from Tempestuous, Shadowed Lustre and Sora the Keyblade Master are close to the center target but this result... It's a sureshot!

Independence

True Name: Avasa
Element: Fire or Water
Colour: Red, White, Black, Dark Blue
Description: Independent people love love, but are often afraid of getting hurt or becoming dependent on someone. They want their love to be perfect, so they usually don't just date
anyone. They date people who they know will be there somewhere in the future. This causes them to turn down some dates and may make them appear to be cold-hearted, but this usually isn't the case at all. They just prefer their space and only want someone in their lives who won't be dependent or make them dependent. This is often the case with making friends. At first they may appear cold and shy, but once you get to know them, they will be much more open and sometimes hyper. But don't expect these people to want to go somewhere with you. They will often be at home enjoying the company of themselves, and will only go if they feel pressured or if they owe you a favor. They make good and bad grades in school depending on the subject, but strive to do well. They don't really play sports or are in school clubs unless their friends pressure them. They hate it when people pressure them, but often give in knowing that that person will owe them in the future.

What Symbol or Emotion Does Your Soul Resemble?

Again another accurate result. Only a few quiz-makers from Quizilla serve as competent psychologists! Illogical yet intriguing...

Things Change And They Constantly Will

First you want one thing then the next minute you want another! Just make up your damn mind!
-A commonly used quote in stories

BS Foreign Service Major in Diplomacy

No longer AB Journalism to my surprise and also to those who read my blog regularly. At the Genesis of my college life it was AB Mass Communication Major in Broadcasting. A little while later I’ve realized that Broadcasting was the wrong way and that Journalism was the perfect detour. I’ve concluded that I was finally solid in my decision but…I guess things really constantly change. How can I forget that the only thing in permanence here in the world is change?

Until now I still can’t believe this… During the late years of my Elementary time up to High School I’ve been having these dreams of grandeur of graduating with a degree in Journalism and even making it to the broad media. But now, those dreams of grandeur are all nothing but fallacious delusions. I was stupid and simple-minded to think that I can make it straight to the core of the media not thinking that it was such a common aspiration especially to thousands of even simpler-minded fools. I suddenly remember this professor who teaches Journalism who is so abysmally disgusted with Broadcasting students. Upon enrollment, a Broadcasting student dreams of becoming a broadcast journalist thinking that it involves nothing but TV. Since I am not a charlatan, I will have to concede that I’ve had the synonymous moronic notion. I’m just glad that I’ve looked at various maps along the way showing that Broadcasting is the end of where the flow goes.

Now to redirect the entry, I’ve read the curriculum for Broadcasting and was mildly surprised to see that there was only one subject that involved Broadcast Journalism. The rest were basically working behind the scenes collaborating with the Television. I thought, “What the hell!? I dreamt of becoming a scriptwriter for news reports and I didn’t expect to be introduced to TV-related techie stuff!” That’s when it has fully transpired in my knowledge that Broadcasting is simply…broadcasting. You edit shows, be a cameraman or a photographer, shoot and take scenes, et cetera, all of which are of little relevance to my passion. Journalism on the other hand is purely a reporter’s work. You do investigative reporting, write for newspapers, and just inform the people of the current events. That truly has been my dream. Maybe I bought the wrong map. I’m glad I can still make a refund and buy the right one.

But still, although I’ve finally found the right map which is Journalism, I still can’t help but notice that the map only disposed direct routes. Such simple routes with no detours and dead-ends. And that’s when I’ve been divulged to the semi-bitter truth. Journalism is one subject that one can easily learn even without formal or proper training and that one can easily become a journalist even without a degree in AB Journalism. It is none of my intentions to degrade the course or those taking it but essentially it is somewhat pointless to submit thousands of pesos and four years worth of schooling to learn (and maybe even specialize) something that I can on my own. I’ve also even heard the same truth from the seniors of AB Journalism. One of them was Arice, a fellow debater from the LDS (Lyceum Debate Society). She seemed almost begging that I drift away from Journalism saying that it’s just a waste. In return she, along with her boyfriend Kuya Nonoh who is a graduate of Foreign Service, recommended that I take up the said course instead.

Diplomacy: An advocate for international relations and negotiations. Not bad! After all, it has been a small (and even unlinked) fragment of my dream to work with foreign affairs and it sounds like a professional-sounding one too! I mean Engineering and Business Administration are misted with the idea of professionalism but dealing with foreigners, now that’s sweet! And I’ve also been interested in Social Sciences such as Sociology, Anthropology, History, Humanities and Foreign Laws and Politics. This could be my chance to broaden my horizons to three hundred sixty degrees! And to think that I’ve been inquisitive on Political Science. I’ve been doing well in my Philippine Constitution class lately!

Although Ambassador Sale did inform me that one can also become a diplomat even without a degree, the succulent content of the curriculum is just a temptation too hard to resist! Basic Spanish, Protocol and Etiquette, everything! They all contain a drop of interesting knowledge, each of them as succulent as the other!

So there! I’ve made up my mind! By the enrollment for the next sem, I’ll submit my papers along with a shifting form to Foreign Service! So long Broadcasting (happy part) but also so long CASE (sad part). It’s time I say hello to CFS. But no worries! I’ll manage and I always will! Back me up, Mom and Pops. This spiral’s gonna spin a different pattern now.

Shadowed Lustre

You are the depressed/dreamer anime girl.You either
lost somebody you love or somebody broke you
heart so bad that you can't pick up the
shattered pieces without hurting yourself.You
think nobody can heal your wounds but don't
stop looking because you never know who loves
you enough to try hell the one special guy
could be right infront of your eyes and you
don't even know it.You also love to day dream
because it seems like the only place that makes
you happy.But little do you know that people
all around you are trying to make you happy and
you won't let them in fearing you'll get
another heartbreak or get hurt worse.But just
try and if things go wrong just brush it off
and try again.It never hurts to try.One more
thing never let that lost love one leave you
heart keep them in forever and keep their
memory alive.


If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?(Girls Only)
brought to you by Quizilla

First I'm a childish carefree girl and now I'm someone who has a shady side. I hope that description in my profile Dual-minded can speak up for itself...

Tempestuous

I've been away for only threee days but it feels like a long time. Might as well write about it later. I'm kinda busy now with my (late) Science Project and those book reports in English. Damn, I'm such a procrastinator! Anyhow, I'll manage!

Ambition without knowledge is like a boat on dry land.


Your element is Air: Carefree, lovable, fun and
childish. Aren't you cute! Your just full of
childhood spunk and happiness! Hey who said
being young was a bad thing? You have a keen
understanding of what's good in life and choose
to remain happy rather than get too upset over
things. Life is fun, who wants to be troubled
by grown-up problems? Being as capable of love
as you are you will make a wonderful parent if
and when you choose to grow up. Love is a
mystery because you only want friends not love
interests, games are better than relationships
with the opposite sex. You have what everyone
is searching for, that so called 'fountain of
youth' deep inside. You can come across as
naive and childish at times. But who cares what
they think, lets go play tag!


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Ha! Now that's accurate! Although I've been distant from some people including my dimwitted classmares from Broadcasting, I still have friends whom I can do delirious things with!


What is your Element? Compatibility, Outlook, plus more!
brought to you by Quizilla

That's probably the uncountable time I had the same result in every What's Your Element? Quiz. I guess I do have my own flows to go with!


Your element is Wind. You are the guy/girl that is
unpredictable. No one knows what you're going
to do next and what you're in the mood for.
Studying is not your thing and you would rather
go to a party than stay home. Life is just for
fun and you need to be free to live according
to you. You waste no time on lies, if you feel
or think one thing you say it even if it hurts.
Of course, people may be quite upset but that
doesn't really bother you. It's not that you
don't care, because you do, but in these
situations it's a waste of time. You live up in
the clouds and are quite a dreamer about life.
People often consider you beautiful, but harsh
and they would think twice before getting to
know you. But once they do, they'll learn that
you are always willing to take yourself and
your friends on adventures. Never will it be a
boring time with you and your friends
appreciate that. You are not often seen sad,
but you have your times. If someone has been
mean to you, you can quite easily trash-talk
them for betraying you. Nevertheless, you are
most of the time a good spirit who just want to
have some fun. Rate and message!


What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla

This has got to be the most accurate of them all!