Contorted Journey

I'll do anything you want

But hold me forever

Be a nightmare in my sleep

Scare me forever

Like a bullet in my soul

Kill me forever

All the lies I have sold to you

Are sour thorns in my mouth

-Lacuna Coil, Honeymoon Suite

Will I give that much for him? My beloved knight?

Finally! I have those 2 CDs Tito Mike sent me for Christmas! And to think he ordered them all the way from Moscow, Russia. Thanks Tito Mike. Too bad I can't give a long-distance thank you properly.

Until now I still think of him but someone has come to contort those emotions. Should I let this shadow descend and pilfer these feelings? Must I? If I let him then at least this knight will no longer haunt me and put tears in my eyes. But to be in love with a shadow I don't even completely know....

It Vexes Me

Things That Annoy Me or I Even Hate.

1. Broadcasting Students.
2. Transferees from the Big Four (UP Diliman, Ateneo De Manila, De La Salle and UST) who boast of their former alma mater.
3. Conformists
4. Beggars and Street Children
5. Women
6. Guys who play Counter Strike and DotA that freak out like they've won the jackpot.
7. Posers and Pop Artists
8. Nursing students who joined the bandwagon relying on instant wealth
9. Religious Hypocrites
10. Botters in pRO
11. The Philippines
12. My fucked up bastard of an ex-boyfriend

Annotation:

1. These pests aren't only insanely talkative but insane attention grabbers. They sure fit the course perfectly since most of them are nothing but gossipers and lovers of intrigue. Crap. they're better off in showbiz.

2. "Buti pa sa UST mahihigpit mga teachers sa assignments!", "Sa UP talagang matira matibay!" WTF?! Get the hell over it already! They're in Lyceum now! It felt great when I once shut this asshole's mouth after bragging about how high-class it is in De La Salle.

3. People who have no originality and vitiate their individuality. All they do is go with the flow and end up where the flow goes - downhill.

4. It can get annoying when they beg for money. Blame it on their neglecful parents.

5. Wide topic. First and foremost, women are naturally chismosas.

6. They think they're cool when they're just making fools out of themselves in public.

7. Especially Hillary Duff. That bitch thinks she's punk when she's actually prep since she dated Greenday's drummer.

8. Nursing is now labeled the course of the nation since it offers massively large salaries abroad. Why won't these people get a life?! There's more to living than money!

9. "I for one know many religious people who are assholes." -Cristina Scabbia, lead vocalist of Lacuna Coil.

10. Though I have to admit botters are now a mandatory fragment of pRO, I still hate it when they brag of their achievements.

11. Read We Live in Anomalies.

12. God. This would take pages and ages to elaborate.

Lurid Lover

Lurid Lover
Written by Jiea Dee, finished on January 20th, 2006
Falling in love with a ghost...

Given of life amidst a lifeless prosaic
Dominated by death, discontent and dislike
Jubilance, joy, euphoria were in shadow
Unfathomed too were wounds and sorrow

Anon I espied an esoteric resonance
Whence lofty ethereals of your provenance
Materializing before me a crystal clairvoyance
Descend you have, vanquishing all nonchalance

From vespers black you have arise
My lost soul, your one touch sanctifies
Here now I met a wingless angel
A ghost humane at loss and fragile

I feel my hands in yours pellucid
Reciprocate I lament in your demise
Serene’s your face, your eyes so placid
You knew no agony, I knew no lies

Within your arms a warm lacuna
Caress my face, cold tears I cry
A fallen Nike, a desecrated Athena
Let this not be a promise awry

An apparition and benevolence
An unlikely coalescence…

Your presence weaken, I gasp in disbelief
But still you smiled, vitiating this grief
You wiped my tears from my artesian of pain
And promised amidst apathy your love remain

I behold your ghastly eyes so metallic
Atrophy it has cast upon my entity
Drowning me in blackness so melancholic
It scourges as if I’ve perished from reality

My heart it bleeds as you evanesce
Leaving behind nothing but sadness
And as you fade with a dying luster
I pray you’ll hear my voiceless whisper

Can our love be ever born anew?
You vowed to me and yet, how could you?
My life undone, I see in saccades
Submitting my soul himself to Hades

Still I mistrust that the one I loved most
Exists as nothing but a lifeless ghost
Yet still I pray when returns his rapture
He’ll set me free from this inhumane torture
You left with me a touch, a shiver
Eternally you’ll be my lurid lover…

This is how it felt...
When I've fallen in love with him...
My beloved knight...

Vampiric Wind

Vampire of Pain
You are a tortured soul.
Don't cut yourself anymore.
Enjoy what you have in life, even if you think it's not much.
You are surrounded by people who care for you, and
they would be devasted if something awful were to happen to you.

Which Vampire Are You? (Beautiful Pics & 7 Results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Again another accurate result from a Quizilla. They may not see it but it bleeds deep within...



Your element is air or wind. You believe you can
talk to the wind and who knows maybe you can.
Everytime you talk to it, it seems to answer
back. Your a free spirit and hate being
trapped in one place. If you had wings you
would be soaring above all of us without a
care in the world.

What element are you? (cool pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

The Wind again...

We Live in Anomalies

Democracy - Government of(f) the people, b(u)y the people and fo(ol)r the people
Hence Filipinos live in Democrazy
-Rodrigo Costales, my professor in Sociology and Anthropolgy

*Topic idea taken from Mekhet's The High Cost Of Living. Thanks bud!*

Last Saturday there was a stampede in Pasig due to the commotion caused by the crowd of ABS-CBN's Wowowee. It was in the news. Even their rival station GMA had to butt in and complicate things saying that it was ABS's fault in the first place. Screw this country for being the cradle of crab mentality...

All that pandemonium for money?

Only in the Philippines
-where people are more concerned about showbiz than political affairs
-where money talks the loudest
-where it's not WHAT you know, it's WHOM you know
-where the thieves are actually those rich and educated
-where people go festive when seen in a camera even if a tidal wave has just passed
-where everything is exaggerated especially love songs and advertisements
-where everything is just fucked up...

I'm gonna migrate to New Zealand once I graduate. I'm going nowhere here.

When School is Mortal Hell

Maybe I might as well copy Seis's themes and write about events. I mostly write about insights and unfathomable opinions.

Midterm exams are bound next week. Crap. Since I missed the Prelims a month ago, I better give my maximum effort for this. It's the only way I can turn the tables of my presently pitiful grades due to my delinquent Prelims.

Fuck Rizal and NSTP (National Service Training Program)! Why do we even have to spend for three units to study about the personal life of some not-that-great national hero and spend another three units wherein we sit in the classroom doing basically nothing for three damned hours?! All the prof does is check the attendance then leave the reports and explanations to the students. It'll be frugal if I spend that three hours studying Sociology or writing poems and stories but with the heat and and the chronic talks of my classmates, I'm left with no other choice but sit in the classroom like I'm drugged. Crap!

What was Linkin Park thinking when they collaborated with Jay-Z?! Mixing Rock with Rap is like me signing up for an Engineering course. Right now as I write this in the shop, Jay-Z's annoying rapping is destroying the solidity of Linkin Park's One Step Closer. If I can't stop myself, I'm gonna destroy that player with my bare hands. I hate Rap. Too materialistic and shallow lyrics.

And I hate Math too... But at least Business Math is quite enjoyable and a hundred times more useful compared to Algebra. That's another accursed subject. This is one of the VERY reasons why I took up Foreign Service! To avoid MATH! I'm done with College Algebra. Now it's Business Math then next sem it's Statistics. Just one more sem and I'm free... Relinquished!

"Broken"

"Broken... That's what I've become of since I lost Pau..."
-Roman, a friend of mine

Yesterday, Roman invited me to hang out at his place for a while and sing along whilst he strums his guitar. I accepted since I had nothing else better to do (but be lazy and skip assignments and projects) anyway. But hey, I still find it hard to believe I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend's best friend! Haha.

It was quite a long trip to Roman's new place in Quezon City and the worse part is we had to ride an FX Jeep (Those Tamaraw FX's that are somewhat like air-conditioned PUVs). Crap. I have an enormous weakness against motion sickness! I spent half the trip leaning on Roman's shoulder feeling drugged. No malicious intimacy involved. There's nothing wrong with a girl leaning on her good guy friend's shoulder. 'Tis but humanely social to do such thing.

We arrived at Roman's place and listened to Nightwish (I brought it) and My Chemical Romance. Roman and I both cursed those amateurs who defined MCR as punk-emo. Hee, Roman even showed the finger to Myx (somewhat a local MTV) for categorizing Greenday under Popmyx and Simple Plan under Rockmyx. The hell?! Greenday?! Pop?! What absurdity! And I have no good reason to place Simple Plan within the circle of rock music! they're more coated with Pop. And I. Hate. Pop!

My Chemical Romance is easily defined as Heavy Emo. Unlike Dashboard Confessional which is composed mainly of light accoustics, MCR is emphasized on the weight of guitars and deeply angsty lyrics. It takes more than a single listening to decipher one song such as Helena and Give 'Em Hell, Kid. The very reason why I've grown to like Emo. The lyrics are personal and deep. Screw Pop music for writing only fabricated and senseless lyrics. Most especially RNB. "See-that-girl-wth-the-sexy-body-go-and-fuck-her-off" kind of stanzas.

Eventually we had a Pancit Canton fest. Curse Roman. Secretly I ver wanted extra hot chili but he insisted. 'Sides, I don't mind a little fire on my tongue! We cooked six packs and ate them all in one gulp. The challenge was the first one to give in by drinking water loses the game and gives the price to the one left standing. I tried to hide the infernal pain in my mouth by playing it cool and Roman's temptations were as futile as always! "There's one gallon of water here, Jiea. Drink all you want."

I lost... Again I played it cool by taking a glass of water and naturally drinking it. Roman smirked and said "Where's my prize?" Of course I never wanted to give in and cooly said "I'm just thirsty. Not that I couldn't take the chili." But then again I lost... Crap!

Later on Roman inserted a Disc into the DVD player. They were files he stole from Pau's laptop a long time ago. Roman told me that Pau doesn't know he has a collection of memorable pictures. We looked at them one by one. Pau wasn't that beautiful but she is pretty. Pretty and not beautiful. There's a difference. Roman looked somewhat distracted as we looked at the pictures. I'm sure he misses Pau badly had only they not separated. Roman told me that when he lost Pau, the only thing left for him to do was to die.

I asked Roman to show me more pictures. I don't know how Roman felt but I'm sure it was more than hellish. Pau was the only girl that Roman loved truly and wholly. He never did cheat or play around with her. Until now he loves her and would do anything just to have her back. I'm praying for that too...

Roman then took out his electric guitar and inserted the plugs. He then strummed a familiar song. "This is Avril Lavigne's Why." He told me as he strummed. I sang along with him.

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you, more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together
Tell me, you think we can last forever
Tell me why

He played and I sang other songs too such as My Happy Ending (Avril Lavigne), Broken Sonnet (Hale) and 214 by Rivermaya. The sun was finally asleep and no light was in the room but the dying lusters left by then sun. It was dark. Just as dark as Roman's feelings that time. I could somehow feel it.

The world could die
And everything may lie
Still you shouldn't cry
'Cause time may pass
But longer than it'll last
I'll be by your side

"You know?" Roman said after he played the song. "I feel somewhat...heavy everytime I play this. This was our theme song. Pau and I." I could feel Roman's pain. "If you've noticed, all my account names, character names are always 'Broken'. For this is what I've become since I lost Pau. I'm not complete. But why should I even continue hoping? Pau will not come back. She never will..."

That night I said goodbye to Roman and made my way back home to UN Avenue. Remembering all those events, I decided to write them all down here. Broken...